Dec. 2020: How to Feel Better
Starting September 2020, I will be writing a monthly series around different topic. The goal is to walk you through a weekly process to help alleviate concerns surrounding the topic of the month. December’s theme is how to feel better, and this week you will view real examples of the STEAR emotional framework.
Review from Part IV: STEAR Emotional Framework
Situation: objective, neutral fact
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Thought: the meaning you assign to your situation
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Energy: the feeling, or emotion, generated by your thought
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Action: behaviors fueled by your energy
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Reality: consequences of all your actions
STEAR Example 1
Now we will apply the STEAR framework to a real life situation. As with all situations, you get to decide what you want to believe. Here is one situation with one possible thought, and you can follow along to the final reality:
Situation: Engineering sophomore transferred out of engineering school
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Thought: “I put in a lot of effort with no substantial payoff.”
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Energy: Disappointed, Stressed
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Actions: Spin in your head, avoid reaching out, seek outside validation (people-pleaser), distract yourself via music, video games
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Reality: Self-sabotage (the more you believe this thought, the more disappointed and stressed you become, the worse you feel about yourself).
*Important: this person believed his disappointment and stress was due to the situation. He falsely believed that transferring out of engineering school caused his energy, or emotions. But, his thought about the situation is what caused his emotions. Note the kind of reality this energy produced in his life … and it all started with his thought!
STEAR Example 2
Now, we will look at the SAME situation through a different lens. This time, we’re going to replace the thought and see how a new reality is created:
Situation: Engineering sophomore transferred out of engineering school
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Thought: “I put in a lot of effort and received unexpected payoffs.”
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Energy: Satisfied, Content
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Actions: Focus on new major, maintain network of contacts, confident about the future
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Reality: Living deliberately without regret
This alternate thought produced a very different outcome for this person!
The point of this STEAR emotional framework is to show you how your beliefs and thoughts create your reality. Try it out .. choose a few thoughts and beliefs, plug them into the framework and see what happens!
Helpful Hint #5: Apply the STEAR Emotional Framework for self-awareness and purposeful living.
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